Selagi masih punya nafas, selagi hayat dikandung badan..

Bismillahirahmanirrahim.

Tough weeks..
and I'm fine.

It just..

Im trying.
trying not to expect.
Expecting too much..
that--

"Everything should be okay"
"Everything I want I should get"
"Everyone should be nice to me"
"Every little thing I do I should be appreciated"
"And I should be free from busy-ing myself with non-academical thingy"

This is kinda hard.

Because everyday is a battle.
A battle within myself.
"Should I do this?"
"Should I feel like that?"
"Should I speak what inside?"
"Or should I be quiet?"

And indeed.
Sincerity is the main battlefield.

when you have the sincerity, you wont questioned every little thing, isnt it?

If you have the sincerity, You won't expect anything in return.
You won't expect anybody to treat you the way you treat them.
You won't go here and there talking about the-so-many thing you have to do. 

And.
You won't feel regret for doing this and that.

But im just too weak that sometimes--
I feel so hopeless that I may not be appreciated for doing this and that.
I feel so sad that Im not being treated the way I want.
I feel so dejected that I cannot help myself to perform better. 

And.
I cried a lot for the tough times--
It is when I wished I could just close my eyes and when I opened them, all the problems have gone away and my family was there!
Ah.

What a dream.

Someone told me.
"..you tend to be alone in your own struggle.."

But i know i'm not.
I have Allah.

And it just not only me--
everyone also have to struggle with their own.

Some things you just need to keep by yourself.
Or if you feel you couldnt bear with it. Write something on paper, pour your feelings all out..and then crumple the paper or tear it into pieces and then burn it..oh thats what the counsellor told us to do regarding how to manage stress. Should try it once or twice huhu.

And I keep telling myself, "It is not only you who's having problems, others also have theirs.. Dont go for people just to burden them with your problems, after all you have Allah.."

It is few days before, I saw a quote on fb or insta (I dont remember..)

--"You feel weak, because your connection with GOD is weak"

Omoo. Sentapp kottt.
Really, i dont know what to say.
Because i cant deny the fact that people that have good connection with Allah, they can manage their life with a smile, a good smile..Allah gives them tranquility and calmness in everything they do.
Allah makes them strong enough to face the tribulation that comes along their path.

How I wish.

Entahlah.
Terlalu penat.
Thats it.
Memang dunia ni tempat yang meletihkan, dan akhirat jualah tempat rehat yang sebenar.

Akhir kata,
Berbakti selagi hidup.
Memberi selagi mampu.
Bukankah erti hidup pada memberi? :)

Tomorrow is the day.
may Allah ease :)

Wassalam.